Lately, weird thoughts have been racing through my mind, things I’ve never really been bothered to care about. Up until now.
For a few weeks, I’ve been feeling different, evolving. My inner and outer shell is mutating and I can sense it. However this change is starting to creep me out the more I notice it.
Is my being becoming a better version of me or a hopeless attempt to fit into a new society?
Thinking about that mutagen running inside me questions everything I’ve known so far about myself. It motivates me to be better, proud of myself and accidentally opens up new ventures. The more I get accustomed to it, the more alien I feel. Adjusting to something that’s new is one thing, but when it creates new rifts and paradigms inside you, how do you respond to it?
Close your shell and hope for better days to come? Go back to your old you before it’s too late? Or embrace that change as your own and start a new chapter of your life?
That’s the problem. No clear answer. Nobody to turn to for advice. Only me, the change and that foreign matter.
So far, I’ve dealt with it following different angles. At first I tried the usual reaction. Live without thinking about it and get comfortable with the new settings. That’s when things got complicated, when the feeling mutated because of unforeseen effects. I hadn’t had time to settle when it unleashed a resonance cascade. Object, place, performance. It’s like all my metaphysical rules went upside down. By the time you manage to put your feet on the ground, new developments arise and throw you off balance again.
Still, time passes by and doesn’t stop to wait for me. I wish I could postpone that evolution, take some time to get ready and embrace it but how can you postpone yourself?