WWW#33 – Deleted / Erased – Text #2

Purpose

by Hailie Andersen

Plodding down his daily route, he could feel the heaviness of boredom and solitude weighing on his limbs. Lately he had been contemplating his life and wondering how he had gotten there. Comparing his current situation to what his younger-self had projected his future could look like ten years ago. There was a world between there and then. Job – check. House – mmm… he owned a flat… semi-check. Athletic build – he exercised but was no model… semi-check again. Family – alien concept he still desired, but did not seem to have in him to construct. Wife – no girlfriend in ages. Marriage – felt more and more like a never-happening tale.

***

Keys turned in the lock. He walked in, and shed his coat and jacket in the lobby. Then he eyed his flat. Soulless, nude space, open lines, cold, empty walls, uplifted only by the view, and the grey light filtering through the high windows. The absence of decor mirrored the void he felt biting at his core. He needed something to counter its grasp, replace it with meaning, or deflect it with a placebo blend.

Instinctively, he sat down on his couch and switched on the TV. Hoping to be filled by others’ stories. Zapped from one channel to the next. Found nothing to his taste. He breathed in. The atmosphere was warm. Maybe too warm. He needed air. Fresh air. He got up, slid the glass door, and walked out on his balcony.

Dressed only in his classic, matt, silk shirt, he braved the negative temperature, resolutely. He looked out over the lake and to the horizon. He needed to feel something. Gushes of frozen winter wind slapped repeatedly at his skin. He could sense his body shrink and shiver in the cold. Still he stood there. Unwavering soul lost in his thoughts. His perspective felt blurred. He needed focus.

***

Johan knew he needed to act – turn his ways around, because they were not working. If he stayed there watching his life pass him by, he was aware he would disappear. Shrink into oblivion. Be deleted, erased. Leave nothing behind him upon his passing. Drown into the mass of loners out there. Continue reading